Race Matters: What does it mean in your transracial family?

This was from the Iowa Foster and Adoptive Parent Association’s Cultural Connections Conference, where I presented this past weekend.

Things to think about when parenting a child transracially or transnationally:

• Will
  your child have any adult role models that reflect his race?
• Who
  will your child see on television that positively and accurately reflects her
  race?
• Are
  the only people of your child’s race or ethnicity working in service jobs? Or
  does your child see professionals of his race or ethnicity on a regular basis?
• Who
  will your child date and/or go to Prom with? How will you prepare your child if
  he or she is only considered “friend” material because of his or her race?
• Does
  your child think that all “brown” or Asian kids are adopted?
• How
  will you feel about your child dating or marrying /partnering a person of his
  or her same race?
• Do
  you expect your child will come to you with questions about race and racism?
• Do
  you expect your child will tell you about his or her experiences with racism?
  Especially at school? And what if it involves teachers?
• Do
  you have a difficult time believing that your child/family will be impacted by
  race? Do you believe things are “different now?”
• Does
  your child know what to do if he is pulled over by the police for DWB (Driving
  While Black)?
• What
  part of being a transracially adoptive family concerns you the most?
• What
  relationships are you willing to give up if needed to support your child? Are
  you willing to give up membership in the dominant culture?
• How
  will you react if someone you love makes racist statements about your child’s
  racial/cultural/ethnic community?
  • Suffer
    in silence?
  • Speak
    up?
• How
  would you handle your child declaring that she thinks she’s white or refuses to
  accept her race/culture? What if they no longer want to participate in
  “cultural camps” or “heritage events?”
  • Would
    you feel terrible?
  • Would
    you force your child to go?
  • Would
    you sigh in relief?
• What
  are your thoughts about affirmative action? Does it change when you realize
  that it will affect your child?
• Negative
  statements or feelings about a birth parent may translate into your child’s
  belief that people like “him” are bad. If you feel or express negativity about
  your child’s birth parents or his birth parent’s race, you are also telling
  your child that a part of him is bad.

© 2008 by Jae Ran Kim. Links to this post are permitted but this post
may not be copied and re-posted without permission. For reprint
permission, contact Jae Ran Kim at harlowmonkey at gmail.com.