If only all adoptive parents were like this by JaeRan Posted on May 20, 2009 Adopted man discovers biological sister lives across the street. From CNN.com. I am so heartened by the response of the adoptive parents. Sadly, it is a reaction I haven't seen much of. Embedded video from CNN Video Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:Like Loading... Related
I just saw that and was so moved. What wonderful luck for the families involved! (Though I’m also shaking my head at how much easier it would have been with open records.)
As an ap I have to say that there are those of us out there who would love for our children to have all of themselves, all of their pasts, all of their stories. I truly question ap’s who would not be overjoyed for their child if it happened to them.
You say the happy reaction is not something you’ve seen often, and I wonder if you could explain. I don’t doubt you, but like the commenter above, and the parents in the video, I would be filled with joy if my daughter was so blessed to find her birth family. Have you met many adoptive parents whose children are in reunion who are unhappy? I have heard only happy stories, so I wonder what I am missing. Thanks.
Two things come to mind. First, unfortunately most of the adoptive parents I’ve known, including my own, have NOT been happy about the adopted person doing a birth family search and/or being in reunion.
Second, I say that I wish all adoptive parent would be happy if their child reunited with birth family because I see so many adoptive parents who say/write that the reason they adopt internationally is so that they will NOT have to have the birth family in their lives (sometimes the fear is that the birth family will re-claim the child, but just as often it is about not having to have an open adoption and/or birth family involved).
I will say though that I know a few extraordinary adoptive parents whose children do have their birth parents in their lives and whose adoptive parents actively ensure that there is a relationship of some kind. a very few.
This is fantastic!! We adopted internationally and would love to have an open relationship with our child’s birth family. If our child chooses to search, we will do everything in our power to assist…. why not? Having and knowing a peron’s biological roots can be very validating. It’s only right as an ap to assist the child and supporting him/her in the discovery of their biological heritage. We adopted internationally not to avoid the birth family but because we have family members from our child’s country of birth. Thanks for all you do to educate those around you Jae Ran….especially us adoptive parents.
Ah … I too have heard people say they adopt internationally to avoid birth parents. I had forgotten those APs who preempt the possibility of reunion intentionally (hopefully) by choosing one form of adoption over another. And of course, often, without considering the additional layers of complication if the adoption is mixed race.