De-Lurker Day

Although I keep track of referrals, and I can see from typepad and other tracking programs that this blog has an international readership, I'm often curious who reads the blog and how you found out about Harlow's Monkey.

A few blogs I read regularly have a "de-lurk" day – I've never done one.

Here's your chance (and mine) to see who is reading.

Please let me know 1) if you are an adoptee, adoptive parent, adoption professional, social worker, etc. etc., 2) how you found out about the blog, and 3) feedback on things you would like me to address more specifically and/or other format issues.

I don't have as much time as I'd like to write longer original posts, which is why I link to other articles and blogs so often. However, if you have an issue you'd really like to see addressed, leave that in the comments too. It will help me when I'm trying to figure out what to write. Also, I changed the format of the blog, taking out some of the links on the sidebars and posting them on pages accessed by the navigation bar at the top of the blog. I moved some of those back, but I'm always concerned about the blog being user-friendly and un-cluttered (Mr. HM has greatly influenced me on usability design). If you have comments on the accessibility of the content, leave that feedback too.

Author: JaeRan

Assistant professor at UW Tacoma, writer, and researcher.

73 thoughts

  1. @Sharon, hi, I am pretty sure we’ve met IRL, when I worked for a county on an evaluation project you were involved in. I’m sure you were one of the researchers who interviewed me. 🙂
    I didn’t know you were involved in adoption on a personal level. Thanks for reading, you’ve always had such thoughtful comments. I was pretty awestruck that someone at your organization was reading the blog!

  2. I’m a white AP father of a daughter from Ethiopia and one bio daughter. I think I found you through a basic google search on transracial international adoption. Been reading your blog for about a year and a half.

  3. I’m a (single) adoptive mother of two daughters (7 and 9) from China. Like many of the others, I can’t remember exactly how I found you, but it was somewhere in the 2004-2005 timeframe. The people, books, blogs etc. that I’ve found THROUGH you have been amazing.
    This is your blog, and I think you’ve got it just right.

  4. Hello. I am an adoptive mother. My daugter is five years old and is African American. I found your blog years ago through a Google search and have been reading it ever since. I “lurk” because my personal policy with regard to blogs written by adoptees is to gratefully listen and learn, rather than to participate in the discussion. Thank you for the precious time that you have spent on this blog and for sharing your knowledge and insights. You, along with many other adoptee-writers, have made me a better parent and, in doing so, have helped a little girl in Texas.

  5. Another faithful reader here — I found you through Third Mom, I think.
    I’m the adoptive mom to two children from China, and a law professor who teaches a course in Adoption Law. My last several professional articles have been about adoption, and I blog a lot about adoption issues.
    My kids are now old enough to see the hard issues in adoption, and we talk A LOT about their feelings on being adopted, not knowing their birth parents, being in the minority. Reading your blog has made me a better parent in dealing with this and many other issues.
    I LOVE that links open in a new window — don’t change a thing! If I could figure out how to set my blog to do that, I would!

  6. I’m an adoptive mom of two daughters from China. I have been reading your blog for a couple of years now, linked through from IAT, I think? I have learned alot from your writing as well as from the articles you post and link to. Thanks so much!

  7. I’m an AP, my five and eight year old were adopted in China. I have read your blog for years now and can’t remember how I found it. I’m just here trying to keep it real 🙂

  8. I’m an adoptive parent of two children. My husband and I are white, as is our eldest child. Our youngest is African-American.
    I’ve been reading here for years now, but don’t know if I’ve ever commented. I originally found you through a link on a blogroll, but can’t remember which one anymore. Your links and content have always been thought-provoking and I especially appreciate your dual perspective as a social worker and as a transracial adoptee. I wouldn’t change a thing!

  9. I am a Korean adoptee who was raised in a very small and very white town in northern Vermont. I can’t quite remember how I found your blog… Perhaps I was searching Korean adoption. Reading your blog made me realize that there were actually other people who shared my experiences growing up. I suppose I never realized how big an impact adoption had on my life because I was always told it didn’t matter. As someone who is interested in social work, I’d love to hear more about U.S. adoption system. But really, I think you are doing a fantastic job on the blog.

  10. I am a white adoptive mom of an Ethiopian boy. My husband is a half-Haitian, half-Dutch Canadian-American. I found you through the Anti-Racist Parent. I am very interested in adult adoptee/adoptive parent relationships. Thanks!

  11. I found your blog through a Google search I believe when I first started research international adoption. As many have said, I’ve always thought it was a win-win solution, but am now second guessing, or at least thinking more about International adoption at a different level.
    I appreciate the honest nature of the site as it has given me lots to think about in my quest to become an adoptive mom.

  12. I am an Adoptive Parent
    I found your blog about 1.5 years ago while searching the web for “adult adoptees.”

  13. I’m a white mother of three, two adopted from Ethiopia in a somewhat open adoption. Since one of my kids was of the walking-talking-remembering and understanding everything variety when he came to us, we jumped right into dealing with all things adoption like grief, race, identity, culture, first family ties, and so on. I appreciate the voices of transracial, transcultural, and/or transnational adoptees who give us APs a peek into what could potentially be the experiences of our children.
    I really, really like your blog, and have for several years now. I forget how I got here. As others said, I appreciate your commentary about the links you post, but as a pretty crappy occasional blogger I understand the limitations on your time and marvel at the number of posts you crank out given your other more important obligations. Your format is fine. I am always interested in reading about how race plays into the identity of an adoptee, particularly since it is often dwarfed by their cultural/national identity.
    Thank you.

  14. I am a white woman married to a Korean man (he was born and raised there). We have a bio son and a daughter who was adopted from Korea. I found your blog through the Kimchi Mamas blog.

  15. Adoptive parent of a sibling group from Hennepin Cty and a sibling group from Ethiopia.
    I found your blog after attending several of your panels/trainings with Harambee and MN Adopt (MN ASAP).
    I like to read the ethical issues related to adoption and foster care and international adoption and race.
    I love the book suggestions.
    I would like to hear you discuss more about the adoption from foster care and the attachment disorder which you touched on in this blog entry:
    Maybe a conversation with someone who has adopted teens? With mental health issues.

  16. I realize I missed de-lurk day, but I wanted to participate all the same. I’m an adoptive parent. I read your blog about once a week or so to catch up, and I love it. I’m happy to see you’re back and posting again, although I completely understand how tricky it is to do it all. I’m not sure how I got here anymore, but it was definitely through another blog. I really enjoy reading your posts. I feel like it’s so hard to find people who are willing to talk about the drawbacks of international and transracial adoption. A lot of people who aren’t involved in adoption want to dismiss our concerns. They tell us love is all that matters and seem so uncomfortable when we mention race. It makes it hard to find places to talk openly about our thoughts and feelings and worries for our kids, which we think are realistic rather than negative. It’s nice to have a place to go where I can read and think about this stuff and have my concerns validated. Thanks so much for sharing your ideas and resources with the rest of us. I have no doubt we’ll be better parents as a result of reading your blog.

  17. I forgot to add that my family is also transracial, constructed from multiple marriages and adoption. I’m white. My sisters are Indonesian, and I have another sister who was adopted as a teenager.

  18. Hi, I’m 41, white, and the a-mom to a 1-year-old boy, born here in the US to parents who are from China, as well as the a-aunt of a 2-year-old boy born in China. We’re also enrolled in the China international adoption program (Dec 2006 lid), but since we completed an adoption here in the US, we’re not sure if we’ll continue to pursue that.
    Ours is an open adoption with ongoing contact, which has been a really interesting and cool experience.

  19. 1) Adoptive parent to two toddlers, both born in South Korea. We are very lucky to have open adoptions.
    2) It’s been years, but I think Margie pointed me here.

  20. I am coming late to party but wanted to let you know how I got here. I was researching adopting from China and an AP had said she liked your blog – so I have been reading ever since (about 3 years now). Because of you and all of the other adult adoptees that have your voices out there, I have decided not to pursue overseas adoption. There is a lot of corruption out there and so many APs seem to have their heads in the sand. I can’t read most AP blogs any more especially those that seem ignore the impact of a) adoption in general and b)the racial issues for the child(ren). Thank you for putting you voice out there – it’s very much needed and appreciated.
    PS, I personally like that the links open in another window/tab. 🙂

  21. I’m a white AP mom of a born-to son and a domestically adopted AfAm daughter. We hope to be waiting for #3 soon, another domestic AfAm placement. Boy, this time is the process so much more confusing and heartbreaking since I’m not drunk on the koolaid anymore.
    I think I’ve been reading you for 3? years. It’s been way to long for me to remember whose blog I found you from.
    I’ve had the deep pleasure of hearing you and meeting you at Pact camp. I really appreciate your blend of personal experience and professional information.

  22. I’m always curious too – you are inspiring me to do this on my own blog. I’m a transracially adoptive mom. I have an African American son who I adopted from foster care, and I am in process of adopting from Haiti. I found your blog from anti-racist parent’s link list. I’ve been reading for a few months. Thanks!

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