Chinese Adoptee Links blog

I wanted to call attention to a blog written by Chinese adoptees. The blog is part of the Chinese Adoptee Links group and is called "One World: Chinese Adoptee Links Blog." I'm adding it to my blog list as well.

And now I will be taking another break. Honestly, I am getting really tired of the name-calling and pathologizing comments I'm receiving lately from folks like "Jane Sue" who can't seem to disagree without resorting to personal attacks. Besides, I've got 22 books to read, several articles to write, and another semester's worth of work and research to complete.

I've been at this for a long enough time now to know that it's easy and tempting to get emotionally triggered by something someone writes on their blog, and to want to lash out at them. I've done that in the past, and have had to humble myself and admit when I'm wrong. I've offered apologies for my emotionally-driven and poorly thought out comments. We all make mistakes, and the internet makes it easy to write and click "send" first and think later.

Some of the responses by "Jane Sue" were really misdirected. For example, the first comment she left was written as if I was the author of the Colorlines piece or had written a scathing critique of the Colorlines article, when all I had done was provide a link. I didn't offer my opinion on it at all, but somehow Jane Sue felt I needed to be scolded and ridiculed nonetheless.

Anyway, like my opinion or not, but don't call me a hypocrite when you come to the blog, read one or two articles you disagree with, and then proceed to psychoanalyze me and feel you're entitled to attack me personally because you think I'm wrong. Fine – I'm wrong (to you). Here's some advice – don't bookmark my blog, don't read it, don't get yourself all in a bundle. Move on, read your friend's blogs where they all think like you do and where you can talk crap about ungrateful angry adoptees who write critical blogs. Do that on your OWN spaces.

I don't mind REAL critiques – if you disagree, fine – I don't expect everyone to agree with me. But if you can't disagree without making a personal attack on me or other adoptees, then go away. Play in your own sandbox. All I'm asking is for people to be respectful.

Author: JaeRan

Assistant professor at UW Tacoma, writer, and researcher.

18 thoughts

  1. Dear Jae Ran,
    I am an AP, discovered your blog a few months ago, and have been going through your entries, as well as the resource materials you have linked to, on almost a daily basis. To say I have learned a lot from your blog is an understatement, and I want to thank-you for the thoughtful (and thought provoking) entries you consistently post. It’s obvious that you have put much time, effort and care into this blog. I am sorry that anonymous cowards have made personal attacks on you, and hope you come back soon!

  2. Over the years I’ve been commenting here, I’ve agreed with you on most points and dissented on a few others (e.g. the Indian adoption ads). So I can attest that you’re not demanding an echo chamber.
    I’ve noticed that a lot of these attacker types get incredibly worked up and emotional over the idea that someone is “judging” them. And “judging” is defined as saying anything at all that happens to disagree with their worldview. The underpinnings for this worldview must be very weak, if it has to be constantly propped up with such stupid tactics.
    Yes, I am psychoanalyzing them back. Hey, if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen and quit yer bitchin’!

  3. i’m such a new follower to your blog that i will just have to enjoy the archives while you are away :O) a much deserved break from this forum, no doubt, though it seems you will be very busy indeed.
    thank you especially for this post. i too become impatient and lack tolerance (both in others and in myself, as i’m no saint) for being disrespectful/attacking, etc in comments on another person’s blog. does it take much energy to be kind? to disagree with some measure of grace?

  4. I always wonder if the person who attacks does so out of guilt. They must recognize that you are speaking about “them” and their own guilt raises its ugly head in the form of scapegoating. Blame the other! You’re an angry adoptee! Yeah, this all sounds so damn familiar.

  5. It takes a lot of courage to share your viewpoint as intimately as you do and I can see that it would leave you feeling drained sometimes. I admire you a lot. Enjoy your break!

  6. Thanks everyone, those of you who blog know it takes a lot of time and effort, and while it’s very fulfilling it can also be draining.
    I have lots of interesting things on my plate right now and I’m looking forward to spending more time on them. I love being in school! So it’s a good time to step back for a while.
    And for all you newer blog readers, I hope there is enough in the archives for you to enjoy.
    Thanks again all!

  7. Jae Ran
    I totally understand if you need a break from writing your wonderful columns. Although I treasure them as an adoptive mom to an Asian daughter, I know that you don’t owe them to be- and just being a PhD student is challenging enough in and of itself. But, please don’t do so as a result of these idiots who have no clue. People like “Janie Sue” are not only wearing blinders to the truth, but they also are so anxious to criticize you that they don’t even read things carefully. Please ignore them. The rest of us, which surely must be the majority, think you are wonderful.

  8. I’m sorry to see you leaving, even for a bit, and wish you didn’t have to go. Hope your down time is productive and stress-free and that you come roaring back soon. You know you’ll be back!

  9. How dare you put that poor woman up to ridicule by shedding light on her words…oh, i guess…wait…
    How dare you speak to things you couldn’t understand, like how it feels to be an adoption agency SW…oh, wait..well..
    How dare you comment on the issue of adoption, especially transracial and …oh…wait…well..
    How dare you comment on American society; you can’t know what its like to grow up in the American heartland…wait…
    OK…last try: You can’t possibly know how it feels to grow up white in a white culture, and have all advertising point to you as the perfect human specimen, and have roots in this culture going back to the sainted founding fathers who learned a long time ago how to deal with uppity people of color who didn’t appreciate the free, though emotionally and physically hazardous and oh yes, against their will, trip to these hallowed shores, missy!
    yeah…that’s it. I think that’s what she was trying to say.
    Have a well deserved break from this one part of your life

  10. Your blog is greatly appreciated and a valued treasure for many. The insights, articles, and words you share, open a door for so many – even those of us who have no personal relationship with adoption.
    I respect your space and commend the boundaries and self-care you’re modeling for many. Perhaps, certain readers *ahem* might benefit by learning from your example. I hope your break is productive and full of goodness.
    Thank you for sharing Janie Sue’s words. When I read (or hear) things that could so easily fuel the fires, I remember a favorite quote, “never take to heart the opinions of those you don’t respect”. Clearly, someone who lives (contentedly) in such ignorance, is not someone I’m likely to have much respect for. We have larger battles to fight than arguing with those who resist growth.
    Like the other reader, I also hope you “come back roaring”. Enjoy the break!

  11. Hi,
    I’m a long time lurker (who’s also read your work at Racialicious).
    You are better then any spiteful comments your receive. I remember reading your post “Being Harlow’s Monkey”, about how being adopted had affected you and it shattered so many preconceived ideas I had. I’m waffling now, but I just want you to know how valuable your work is.

  12. i’m another adoptive mom who is beyond appreciative of you and your blog. you have profoundly affected not only how i see adoption but also how i am approaching my job as a mother of a transracially adopted son.
    it’s not your responsibility to educate anyone, yet you have gone out on a limb over and over again. i recommend your blog to anyone who has adopted, or who is considering it.
    “jane sue” is a self righteous moron, and really wtf is she doing here anyway? there are plenty of other blogs and forums where she can go to shove her head in the sand (and then vomit it all over anyone who disagrees with her). of course your need for space is honored here, but please don’t let her get under your skin.

  13. Jae Ran, I just wanted to pipe up and add one more voice telling you that you are very, very appreciated! Samantha is so right, it is not your responsibility to educate me, but I have benefited greatly from your wisdom. Thank you for the time you’ve taken from your real life, to make your voice available to strangers on the internet. Over the years I’ve been reading your blog, I’ve developed a great respect for your thoughtfulness, and I very much value your perspective. Enjoy your time focusing on your other priorities, and I’ll be hoping that you come back with more to say!

  14. you sharing your experiences as an adoptee have been invaluable to me and made me a better AP. The stories you tell, the opinions you share may make us (APs) uncomfortable but this is examination we must undertake. Thank you for your blog. I hope the crazy folks out there don’t drive you away.

  15. Go enjoy your work and reading and family. I’m going to keep your blog in my blogroll because even on hiatus your information is invaluable to anyone connected with transracial adoption. So sorry that you were attacked.

  16. I know you aren’t blogging anymore here but I just found it a while back and I have to say…Thank you! We are just a couple months away from bringing our daughter home from Taiwan and you have really challenged my husband and I to prepare to parent our little girl.

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